It's been a bit over a year since I archived my old blog 'Grey'.
There were a few reasons for this. Mainly, social networking sites kinda stole the thunder of 'what am I thinking right now?' because checking your newsfeed to read insipid ramblings is a lot easier than going to someone's blog. This seemed to be the train of thought in regards to my audience, and I can't say I'm very differently-minded myself. I only had a small cloud of visitors to my Grey blog, and a tiny fraction of that consisted of people who actually knew me in person. That's both a pro and a con... relative anonymity but really no one caring enough to bother finding out if I'd posted in a while or not.
The other big reason for retiring Grey was because of how distanced I feel from a lot of its content. The blog itself is 7 years old, and so many versions of me ago... I don't really relate to it much these days. It's been a long, long time since I was the 'real life girl'. I was much younger and full of headspinning doubts and delusions, I'm surprised I never drove myself insane.
Whilst, over the years, mental health has been something I've had an interest in and affiliation with, it's not something that's ever officially cloaked me directly. People I care about have struggled (and still struggle) with so much, it's made me person I am now... but also had made me question my own mental health in the past. I guess what I learned from that period in my life was that I was very impressionable. Again, this is all documented in Grey, and not who I am right now.
Another I have learned is that I am a good healer. Which has two inferences:
I can be hurt countless times, but though the shell may harden only enough to be wiser next time round, I heal whether I want to or not.
I also seem to be able to heal others. Perhaps not all the time, but I have found reserves of strength and forgiveness that I never knew I had until someone needed them.
I still feel the need to write. To note things down. To post something without feeling guilty of clogging up a newsfeed, without resorting to the weird and baffling world of Tumblrs.
When someone summarised what Tumblrs were, with the sharing and reposting of pictures and memes, my understanding and response were thus:
"So... it's an even more useless form of blog?"
I don't think I could justify taking up the limited and valuable data by maintaining anything like that. But who knows? Perhaps blogging will evolve yet again and see me back to regular - and worth the minutes of life spent/wasted to read them - posts. I think that's my main beef: absolutely anyone can be published online these days, but only a small portion supplies us with content of any real value.
There are many sources of angsty diary entries, poor amateur photography, mindless recounts of inane daily routine, Instagrams of meals, and funny cat pictures out there to keep the online masses satisfied... what's the point of adding my contribution? It's a smorgasboard of ever-increasing pollution, confusing 'staying connected/keeping in touch' with 'Have Keyboard: Will Opinionate At You' and 'Can, therefore will.'
(You know what's funny? In Grey's heyday, the words 'meme', 'Tumblr' or 'Instagram' weren't invented yet, or at the very least weren't the cultural phenomenon they are now. I guess that proves my point.)
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