It's 2021

Today I unlocked the memory that sometime around 3 years before I eventually married my now-former-spouse, I was confiding in my mother about the difficulties and disagreements we had been having. It was a particularly bad patch for us and looking back, we should have broken up then and there.

Her response was "𝑾𝒆𝒍𝒍, 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 ʀɪɢʜᴛ 𝒐𝒓 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ?"

She laughed derisively when I said I wanted both.

Yeah, if you're wondering why I'm reducing my immediate family's access to me lately, you can bet it's because I've spent the past 2.5 years of post-separation time reflecting: slowly realising that I was taught first hand to settle for someone who wasn't 100% right for me, to compromise my integrity for the sake of peace, that shouldering hurt/disrespect from a loved one is somehow noble and brave.

Retrospect is 20:20 vision, and I'm finally seeing the paint peeling from the white picket fence in my memories. 

My takeaway?

You don't owe anyone anything just because you are related, or if you love them, especially if they've hurt you.

You don't have to forgive and forget, but if you choose to: do it because it will help 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 healing, not because it helps anyone else.

You don't have to settle for anyone who doesn't make you feel 100% at ease and cared for. If they never turn up, then learn to live with yourself, because it's far worse feeling trapped.

You don't have to do 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 that anyone else says you have to do, if you don't want to do it. Full stop. If you want to live in your hatchback and collect cans for a living.... godspeed and good luck to you if it makes you feel fulfilled. 

It's 2021: I'm awakened and happy, and anything less is not my vibe.