I'm happy to report that between my lovely campy weekend which, as you may've read in the post prior, I enjoyed greatly, and being invited to a group info session and subsequent individual interview for a new factory/store opening in town: my self-esteem, and consequently my mood, have improved greatly.
My girlfriend has noticed it too. This week I've been more like myself and less like the angry Hulk monster that comes out at the slightest provocation, simply because I'm over all the stress and the worry. It's good to feel like I'm back in my own skin again.
The mix of having some time away from the house, which my comfort-zone and finances can sometimes trap me within, and feeling like a company is wow'd by me and thinks they'd be stupid not to ask me onboard - yes, I really am that cocky that in a few days I will have a job offer - has been a much welcome change of pace.
Even if I don't get the job (another processing factory style which I do enjoy), I won't mind toooooo much. I'll be surprised yes, as so far they seem thrilled with my application, but really what I'm enjoying right now is simply the feeling of being (highly) considered. I know that for the right roles, when they're available, once I get to the interview stage I can all but walk into a job. But the challenge over the past year has been getting to that interview stage. I haven't changed much in my jobseeking or even application process/approach. I think it's just a horribly accurate demonstration of the job drought right now. Remember, I was looking for different work before I even left the call centre. That means 18(ish) months of barely anything more than a sporadic booking.
I couldn't keep up the brand ambassador stuff long term. It was almost the same vein as what I was trying to leave - high customer interactions; face-to-face this time making it worse for my anxiety. I occasionally pick up bits and pieces with them still, but it's very low key stuff.
I was offered a role a few months ago (I was one of 2 people chosen from about 20) but it was practically starting a franchise and I had absolutely zero money to spare to even start up (or even hire a lawyer to look over my textbook-length franchisee contract). It wasn't going to be good for my stress and money-worries, but it was certainly a healthy boost to my ego to even be offered.
The role I'm going for at the moment is mostly back-of-house, with (quite literally) a window to front-of-house operations. One of the nice fellows informally asked why I didn't go for a more retail role given my natural exuberant personality. I gave a half-answer, since I was around people I didn't know. I'll go into more detail when I have my one-on-one with them. But basically, the bottom line is that I am not sustainable when dealing with customers constantly. I can entertain them, I can educate them, and I can give them a great experience... but I can't do shift after shift of the 'service' part of Customer Service.
I blame my time working at a casino dealing cards, where 98% of customer interactions are negative. It has nothing to do with whether you're a good worker or a friendly person or a nice employee - there's something about casino customers that destroys your soul, like they don't have one of their own so they need to feed on yours. This is at any casino, not just my local. I've seen it in every one I've been to on holiday, or heard about from others. Career gamblers are, typically speaking, not a friendly breed.
To add insult to injury, most of the time your superiors will take the customer's side in a disagreement to save face and to keep money coming in. Basically, you're devalued right in front of your customer... and then you have to keep serving them until they leave or until you are relieved from that table.
Fun, huh?
So if you ever want a reason why I have moments where even a simple customer request can seem like the straw on the camel's back? I'd say my time there is amongst the top ten. Not quite PTSD, but enough to make me want to avoid high level customer service. I'd rather focus on quality, not quantity. Again, Customer 'Experience', not Customer 'Service'.
What sucks is that my resume basically screams that I can do such service roles with my eyes closed. And I could.... for a few weeks or months. But eventually the stress will slowly grind me down.
And here is where my loooooong time of looking for proper work drags out: a resume saying I'm suited most to one field, and me trying to apply for another. If I delete certain jobs from the work-history/experience section, I have empty years in my CV with no explanation. So the only thing I can do is/was to try and put a relevant spin on them. "I've done this high-level customer service role for X years, so you know I'm fab with my communication skills... wouldn't that be handy when you hire me? We'll be able to... y'know... talk n' stuff."
Sigh.
So now I wait, and enjoy the long-lost feeling of confidence.
It's like having an old cocktail you haven't tasted in years. You used to have it so often but then your favourite bar stopped serving them. Suddenly you come upon a place that does them again! You order one and you sink into a comfy lounge, listen to the background music, close your eyes, and sip your drink, and feel the tasty warmth travel through you.
For now, that is more than enough. It's what I've needed the most, beside the job itself.
Even if this role doesn't come to fruition, the confidence boost will carry me to the next one.
I'm tiring of that part of my brain telling me that I'm a bit useless. Times like these are a very welcome reminder from the outside world that this is not the case. It's easy to begin doubting your own positive self talk, or that of your immediate support circle when it's all you've had for a while. You almost acquire a routine response in your mind: "Yeah, but you're supposed to say that."
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